


Dick in a Box [Thor]

by Zyxst



Series: Avengers' Musical Christmas Catalogue [9]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Christmas Presents, Christmas Smut, Humor, Inspired by A Christmas Carol, Other, Reader-Insert, Sex Toys, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:20:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21942055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zyxst/pseuds/Zyxst
Summary: You receive a gift from Wanda, with Thor as the delivery boy.
Series: Avengers' Musical Christmas Catalogue [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1567561
Kudos: 23





	Dick in a Box [Thor]

**Author's Note:**

> Song: Dick in a Box by The Lonely Island featuring Justin TImberlake
> 
> Y'all can decide who gets which Avengers themed sex toy.  
> https://www.bustle.com/p/avengers-sex-toys-are-here-so-you-can-be-a-superhero-in-bed-8893224

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

I answered the door and handed Pepper her gift bag. She giggled.

20 MINUTES LATER

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

I answered the door and handed Darcy her gift bag. She blew me a kiss.

AN HOUR LATER

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

I answered the door and handed Steve his gift bag. He looked guilty as fuck.

FIVE MINUTES LATER

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

I answered the door and handed Wanda her gift bag. She said cryptically, "Enjoy yourself."

15 MINUTES LATER

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

I answered the door and Thor handed me a gift bag. "Lady Wanda asked if I would deliver this gift  
to you in her stead." I peered under the tissue paper and I knew my face went red.

"Thank you, Thor," I replied a little timidly. I attempted to close the door, but he held it open  
with a hand.

"Lady Wanda also bid me to stay so I may report back with your reaction." The Asgardian stepped in,  
forcing me to move. I was quiet. He turned to face me. "I understood this to be a surprise-"

"Oh, it's a surprise all right," I grumbled angrily. "I wasn't expecting you to be here at all, let  
alone playing Santa. And now I know what she meant by 'enjoy yourself'." I rolled my eyes and shook  
my head.

Thor looked chagrined. "I apologize for my intrusion."

With a loud sigh, I decided to get my shame and humiliation over with. "Do you wanna know what it  
is? It's sorta ...about you." When I glanced at him, he looked curious. I pulled the object out of  
the bag and held it for him to see.

"It's Mjolnir, though smaller and the handle is misshappen," he stated.

"The handle is shaped for its intended purpose." 

Thor gazed at the mini Mjolnir for a bit longer. "'Tis forged as an object of personal pleasure!" He  
grinned, pleased with his correct conclusion. "You have no need of this sad imitation. I will gladly   
allow you to use my hammer for such a glorious purpose! Your bedchamber is this way, yes?" He asked  
before wandering off.

My jaw hung open. I came to my senses and hurried after him. "Thor, wait! Are you serious? Like,  
serious-serious?" The thunder god found my bedroom first try. I found him standing beside my bed  
with arms crossed over his massive chest, looking pleased as punch. Mjolnir sat handle up in the  
center of the mattress. "I'm gonna need larger condoms."


End file.
